Why I Am Who I Am
by mcgirl
Summary: Why is Methos the way he is. There had to be a reason


Summary: Why did Methos become death their had to be a reason. Please read and review. This is my very first fan fiction that is more than one page. Tell me what I need to work on or what you liked about the story.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters from Highlander do not belong to me. They belong to Davis/Panzer productions. I am making no profit from this so don't sue me.  
  
This is written by me and please do not post this anywhere without my permission. Again I do not own these characters and am making no profit. Please read and review.  
  
WARNING: This story is rated R. This story is very graphic. If you are uncomfortable with murder, rape, abuse, violence, slavery, and cuss words this story is not for you and you need to stay away. You need to stay away if you are under eighteen.  
  
Why I Am Who I Am  
  
Part 1  
  
I walked to Joe's bar in Paris and could sense at least two immortals. When I came in I saw three immortals and one mortal. There was Amanda, Macloud, Joe, and who could ever forget Cassandra. They were laughing about something and they did not even turn around to see who I was. That is a very dangerous move if you are an immortal. I could not remember the last time I laughed about anything.  
"Hey Methos" Joe said smiling. My face darkened and I said "do not ever call me that in public! I am Adam Pierson in public!" Macloud spoke "We all know who you are." "I don't care I am Adam Pierson right now!" Cassandra finally spoke "Well look what the cat dragged in" and I responded coldly by saying "Yes and she isn't that pretty."  
Old man you don't look that good." "Gee thanks you know how to cheer a guy right up." The truth was I hadn't eaten in a few days. I had died of starvation a few times recently but they did not need to know that. I went over to sit by Amanda. "I need a beer! This is a bar isn't it?" I said coldly. Everyone looked concerned even that bitch Cassandra. Amanda looked into my eyes and said, "what's wrong?" It's like she could look into my very soul. "Nothings wrong, can't a guy drink a beer in peace anymore." Methos I've known you since before I turned immortal. I know when something's wrong with you." Macloud and Joe were shocked that I had known Amanda that long. That was almost worth the trip down here. Amanda said, "We can help you get through this. We can help you if you let us in."  
I wanted to scream at them "You couldn't handle the truth. You could not even comprehend it so how could you help me!" I just stared at them and laughed. Cassandra asked "what is so damn funny?" "You." They all had a look of confusion on their face. I started walking around the bar and looked at them. "All of you take for granted what life has given you. All of you were born free, were able to make your own decision and you take that for granted." Cassandra spoke full of hatred "I don't take freedom for granted." "Let me finish Cassandra and then you can talk all you want about how miserable your life is," I said sarcastically. "You, Duncan Macloud of the Clan Macloud was born a chieftains son, you were destined to become a chieftain one day after your father had died. No one probably had ever lifted a finger on you." I turned to Joe "Joe you were born in America 'land of the free and home of the brave,' where the modern concept of democracy was created. Amanda you were born and became a thief, but you were still free and were able to make your own decisions." Finally I turned to Cassandra. "Last, but certainly not least Cassandra. Poor pitiful Cassandra. You had a nice quick death" I raised my eyebrows "you were lucky. You were a slave in the horsemen's camp and that was the most cruel and horrible thing that could ever happened to anyone. You have no idea what cruel and horrible is. You are not the only one that matters in this world. Your life at the horsemen's camp was a piece of cake compared to my life. I screamed angrily and was surprised what I had said aloud but all of it was true whether they wanted to believe it or not. They were all stunned, even that bitch Cassandra was not saying anything.  
While I took a sip of my beer Joe looked up and asked "where did that come from?" "You wanted to know what was wrong with me so I told you." Macloud finally spoke "you didn't tell us what was wrong." Joe, Cassandra, and Amanda knew, I could see it in their eyes. I had told Amanda years ago what had happened but that was the PG version. I could never bear to tell her the whole truth of my mortal life. No one could ever know. It was two graphic, to horrible to ever speak the truth out loud. "Are you that dense Macloud, I thought after four hundred years of life I thought you would have gotten it by now." I think it finally clicked in Macloud's thick skull. "You were a slave." "Bingo, right on the dot. You are so smart, I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out." "Well, I assumed you were a slave at one time but it had to be after the horsemen." There we go again Macloud trying to act like the know it all he thinks he is. "Did you actually think Macloud that one morning I woke up and decided to find three other immortals to help me terrorize, rape, and kill tens of thousands of men, women, and children. No! I did not do that!" I looked at both Macloud and Cassandra to see if I could decipher their faces. "We are shaped into who and what we become by the people around us, our environment, and our day to day lives. Unlike you Cassandra I have learned to control my anger and hate for vengeance. I was not born evil contrary to what you and Cassandra would like me to be. Now do you want to hear my story or not?" Amanda yelled, "You don't have to do this. It has been over for millennia's. You don't have to retail it. Please Methos don't do this, walk away " "I have not been able to sleep for months; maybe if I talk about it I'll feel better. Besides if I don't then Macloud will be bothering me for the rest of eternity and Cassandra will be breathing down my neck. Before I start I need another beer". The room was so quite you could of heard a pin drop.  
  
Part II  
  
"You know the things you want to forget you always remember and the things you never want to forget, those are the memories we lose. I should know that better then anyone. I told you I have forgotten my mortal life but that is not true. I could never forget my mortal life, not even if I lived another five thousand years. I remember it like it was yesterday." I could now see into my past. A past I had fought so hard to forget in the last few millennia's.  
  
* * * * * 3300 B.C.E. Somewhere in Eastern Europe  
  
It was around noon when two young men were going hunting. They were on a hill when they heard a loud, wailing sound. At first they thought it was a wounded animal but instead they found a little baby boy. The youngest of the brothers said, "Lets kill the little brat and be done with it." The oldest brother looked at the younger man and said "he is a healthy baby boy he will be a useful slave when he grows older." The two young men brought the baby home to their father. Little did they know that he would later become one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, Death on a white horse.  
  
The two young men brought the baby home and showed their father. The father knew that he would be a useful slave in the future. One woman's infant had just died a few days ago and so after the family came home from working in the fields and doing their daily work they were shown the baby and told them to raise it. They could give him any name they wanted. The master did not have time for that bastard anymore.  
When the baby was placed in her arms Kayla started crying, finally the Goddess had done something good in her life. Kayla brought her husband Thaod to see his new son. There they named him Methos and he was raised alongside his sister, Thaa and his brother, Aden.  
  
* * * * * * 3292 Somewhere in Eastern Europe  
  
Methos was now eight summers old. He had already begun his tough life as a slave and it would only get worse. He could never do anything right from his master's point of view. Sometimes his master whipped him so hard he could hardly walked. He always wondered what he did to get so many beatings, but he was a slave and he did not have any right to ask questions to his masters. It was amazing that he had not been killed during some of those whippings, thus causing his first death. He would soon witness an event that would forever change the course of his life.  
The sun was coming down when he saw his master's oldest son grab his sister, Thaa. Methos hid in the bushes waiting to see what would happen, too afraid to do anything. He finally spotted his brother and ran to tell him what was happening. Aden attacked the master's son, his younger brother came and they didn't pay Methos or Thaa any attention at that moment. Both Thaa and Methos looked on in horror as Aden was slowly being beaten to death. There was nothing they could do to help their brother, only watch in horror as he died.  
Thaa tried to hold Methos back, but Methos escaped her grasp and attacked the two brothers who had killed his older brother. They quickly overpowered him and knocked him unconscious. They found some rope and tied his hands and feet together. "You ignorant fool, what makes you think you could of saved your brother or your sister." His eyes were lowered since he was not allowed to look directly at anyone who was not a slave. "Both you and your sister are going to pay for this." "No! You can kill me but please don't hurt my sister," Methos said pleading "You will watch your sister be raped or he will hurt her more and maybe kill her.  
Methos was forced to watch his sister raped over and over again. He could hear his sister screaming in pain. He cried and yelled out in vain to get them to stop it. She would eventually recover but that scene would play out in Methos mind for the rest of eternity.  
  
The torture did not end there. His sister was left alone but there would be more torture in store for Methos. He whipped Methos till there was blood covered all over his back. He made it back but did not look at either of his parents or his sister.  
"I didn't mean to kill Aden, I just wanted to protect Thaa and I thought Aden could save her. I wanted to protect her but I knew I couldn't do it on my own. I didn't know he was going to die. It is all my fault, if I hadn't found him he would still be alive today. I'm sorry Thaa it's all my fault that you were raped. I'm sorry."  
"It is not your fault he would have raped many anyway." "Aden did not die in vain, he did it trying to protect Thaa and you. He would have been upset if he had lived, and the two of you died" his mother said. "I'm sorry father," his father looked him straight in the eyes and told Methos again that "it was not your fault Methos," but Methos never believed that, he always believed it was his fault. He could not sleep for the next few nights because of both the physical and emotional pain.  
  
* * * * * Present day Paris  
  
There was silence throughout the bar. Joe decided he was not going to open the bar tonight and called all the workers to let them know.  
I was not talking right now. In my mind those events were playing out. "I vowed that if I ever escaped I would kill them all for what they did to my family and I. Cassandra finally spoke, she knew someone had to. "Did you ever escape?" "No I did not." Amanda spoke in a voice directed only to Methos: "You should probably stop talking about it." "I can't it's all rushing in. I can't stop the memories are flooding through my mind right now." Macloud then noticed how much Amanda truly cared for Methos and it was not entirely in just a friendship sort of way. She looked at him in a way that she had never given Macloud in all the years that they had known each other. That if Amanda had to choose between Macloud and Methos, she would choose Methos. Cassandra was now looking at Methos, she knew when someone was lying. Even Methos could not fool her, but in her heart she knew that Methos was not lying. A chill she had never felt before, even when she had frozen to death went up and down her spine. Maybe she had misjudged him, maybe not, she would have to wait and see. She prayed to the Goddess that this was the worse part. In the back of her mind she knew this was just the beginning.  
  
Part III  
  
3282 B.C.E. Somewhere in Eastern Europe  
  
It had been a long hot day on the fields. Methos was now eighteen summers old. He had become a broken man, he hardly looked at anyone anymore, since that fateful day he saw his brother murdered and his sister raped. Earlier he had coughed in his master's presence and he whipped him severely. Methos could not find a place on his back that did not have a scar on it. He told himself he deserved it for what he had done to his family.  
His father and mother had both died of a sickness four winters ago, so many slaves died that year. Luckily but Methos thought unluckily for him, he and his sister did not die. He prayed to the Goddess to kill him and be done with it. He wanted out of this life forever, he never would of guessed that he would live to be over five thousand years old. His thoughts were interrupted by another slave. "What?" "Your sister is having the baby right now." "It is to early, it is impossible." He ran to find his sister. He did not care if he got whipped again, something was wrong. Methos ran faster then he ever thought he could.  
His sister did not look good at all. Thaa's husband had died a few months ago of another sickness. Thaa couldn't die, she couldn't have the baby right now. She was all he had left, all that mattered in the world. It just was not fair. Methos said "it's going to be alright Thaa. Pretty soon you'll have a healthy baby boy or girl." He was trying to remain calm but he had heard of this before and both the mother and child usually died.  
Thaa smiled weakly, "always being the protective brother. Methos you know as well as I do that I am dieing and so is my baby." "No! You aren't going to die, you can't die. You are to young to die." We all die sooner or later. We are all mortal after all." "Yes, we are" Methos said sadly. "I love you Methos, you are my little brother." "I love you to Thaa." "Promise me something," "anything Thaa you name it I'll do it." "Be a good man and don't let our masters win. Obey them we must but win they mustn't. Also forgive yourself it was not your fault that Aden died or I got raped." "Yes I promise, even if it takes the rest of eternity. Though we do not have eternity as you said we are only mere mortals."  
With that promise Thaa took her last breath. She had a baby boy but sadly he suffered the same fate as his mother did. Methos cried, everyone was dead that he had ever loved. Another slave told him "that it was the Goddess's will." He stood up looked her straight in the eyes and angrily said "It was the goddess's will. That's a bunch of shit and you know it. She was too young to die. There is no Goddess. If there were a Goddess my family would not be dead. There would be no such thing as slavery. We would not be slaves we would be free. I don't believe in a Goddess anymore. As long as I live I will never believe in another deity or a religion again! Never!" Methos stormed off to be alone. The other slave just stared at him.  
  
* * * * * Present day Paris  
  
"That's when you changed" Cassandra said. "No, people loose loved ones everyday and they don't go on a killing rampage" I said. "Alexa reminded me so much of Thaa. They did not look alike but they had had the same personality. They were both alike, they were so strong, stronger than I have ever been. They loved, they were both kind. They both accepted death as part of life. I think I had a harder time accepting their death, then they did, even when I thought I was mortal. I have always had a hard time accepting death. I loved her so much, only in a brotherly way. It was my job to protect her. I couldn't protect her, she was too young to die. They always are so young, mortals always are. Some mortals think it would be a blessing to be immortal. My point of view is that immortality is a curse. " Tears started falling down my face. Amanda said "Maybe you should stop now, leave it behind you or tell it later on." "I must tell the rest, at least for Thaa's sake.  
  
Part IV 3278 Somewhere in Eastern Europe  
  
Methos was twenty-two years old now. He was stronger then he had been four years ago when his sister died, but it was physical not emotional. He now did more then just fieldwork, he also did work in the house for his new mistress. His old master had recently died and his eldest son was his new master. When the master is away the mistress will play. His wife had taken a special interest in Methos. He was tall, dark, and handsome, what she wanted in a man. Her husband was none of that.  
She called Methos to her bedroom. He knocked on the door and she said "enter." He opened the door with his head and eyes lowered, "what do you want me to do mistress?" "I want you to come and look at me straight in the eyes. I also want you to take all your clothes off." "Excuse me mistress but I can't do that." "Yes you will or you will be killed," she said in a sinister voice.  
"Lay down on the bed" Methos did just as she told him to do. She had sex with him over and over again. She told him what to do and where to put his hands. This would be the first night of many nights that he would be raped. It would go on for years when the master was away. Overtime Methos wouldn't like what happened but he got used to it. Later on that night he went back to where he lived.  
The next morning he was very sore all over his body. His supervisor came to get him that morning and he was whipped. Methos asked "Why?" His supervisor looked at him and said in a cruel voice, "why? It's because you were born. You were a bastard that no one wanted. You are the scum of the earth. I do not need to explain why, you have no right to ask why. You are just a slave, just property that's all you are and all you will ever be," he produced a sinister laugh, a laugh that Methos would remember for the rest of his life. Then he finally started whipping him, all you could hear was the crack of the whip and the screams of Methos. The personality of one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse was beginning to form.  
  
* * * * * 3276 Somewhere in Eastern Europe  
  
Methos was now twenty-four summers old. By now Methos was used to being raped and called by the mistress when her husband was away. He hated every night of it, he wished he was dead more often now. By now the husband was beginning to suspect something. Anything he did the master believed was wrong and he whipped him almost everyday.  
One day Methos was very weak. It was a hot summer day. He stumbled and fell on the hard dirt, he could not get back up. The supervisor kicked him and said "get up you idiot." "I can't get up. I'm trying." He tried to pull himself up but all of those whippings and beatings had taken a toll on him. The supervisor went and got the master of the house and told him what had happened. The master thought Methos had been a thorn in his side for far to long. He came, and looked down at Methos still lying on the ground. "You are sentenced to death by whipping for disobeying me and nobody disobeys me." He was dragged off to where the slaves lived and put there. They forced him to sit up and told his torture would start at noon tomorrow. Methos was given all this food to eat so he would not die as quickly. He had anything but a restful nights sleep, one of his last nights of being a pre-immortal. In a few days he would become immortal and his destiny would begin to take shape.  
At noon they started carrying out his sentence. All of the slaves were forced to watch Methos slowly being whipped to death. The master at first started whipping him, his evil laugh was loud and sinister. He let other people do it like his younger brother and the supervisor.  
The first day he was screaming, he just wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to die but death would not come on swift wings to Methos. He did not whip Methos constantly but gradually. Methos wanted to do something, escape somehow he wanted to live, but he was tied to a post.  
The second day he was too hoarse to scream but his mouth was open. . In the middle of the afternoon on the third day he finally experienced his first death. They carried his body into the middle of the woods and left his corpse to the wild animals. A few hours later his body jerked and he woke up gasping for air.  
After awhile he realized what had happened. He was alive , but that was impossible he was dead. Methos did not know how this had happened, he thought he was a demon, later on his teacher would tell him who he truly was.  
That night he vowed to himself "when I find out who or what I am I will kill all those people that hurt my family. I will kill every last single one of them, everyone who did this to me" he shouted. All he needed now was to find three other immortals and they would become The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He would become Death and he would terrorize several continents for a thousand years.  
  
* * * * * Present day Paris  
  
"That is why I became Death on a white horse." The four other people in the room were in disbelief. "I'll talk to you later. I think that is enough story telling for one night." I looked at them before I exited, all there faces were still pale, it looked like they had just seen a ghost. Except that this story was not a ghost story it was a true story. Surprisingly I felt better than I had in a long time. I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my back. I picked up my coat, exited Joe's bar, and went back to my apartment. I felt better than I had in many months. Maybe I would sleep better tonight, just maybe. 


End file.
